Waking Up.

I am just waking up this morning, or is it that I am really just waking up in life? I am not certain.
A few constant reminders that I am indeed still alive - the chronic pain in my foot until I have surgery. I am feeling the weight of not being able to be around people, I feel like such a hermit, and I truly miss interactions.. laughing, or just talking with someone.
I have been saving up all of my energy to go to the halloween party that Mistress Karen invited me to. Was actually pretty stubborn in wanting to go, but I have missed out on so much in three weeks and being around my mom for the last three weeks is about  to send me in to the crazy farm.
So I dressed up as a vampire, I bought a dress specifically for the party and it arrived two days ago. I purchased some fangs and I had this super cool wig that I bought awhile back.
With my foot it takes me forEVER to do anything so I had to start with preparing the theatrical fangs early in the morning.  Then prepared to get ready for the party starting at 4pm. I showered , then put on make up , had to have help with my tights. Then I went to put my shoe on my right foot and ... all of my shoes were gone.
Apparently my ex in a maneuver to have that last little bit of control took all my shoes. He left me with two pairs of flip flops and tennis shoes.  thoughtful.
Apparently - he felt that I would have to call him to get my shoes. I did not.
He does not want me but wants to still exact this control over me ... I do not understand.
I was upset but decided that I would still go to the party... and I am glad I did.
One of my friends picked me up, which I was grateful for.
Until I got us lost... I had NO idea there were three exits for Rainbow off of the 95 ... do I ever go to Vegas? NO.
When W/we finally arrived at the party, I was so excited to see Mistress Karen, and meet a lot of people that I really haven't met before. I sat in a chair - due to the whole foot thing, and got to people watch - one of my favorite things. I was introduced to a  Sir who had all of these cool knife finger things on his costume (think freddy kruegeer) which Mistress Karen ran over my arm with.  She also had him run down my arm with all of them.
::shivers::
Then my friend was able to move me to an outside couch where I  was able to talk  to alot of new people.
and that is where my evening took an exciting new turn... and opened my eyes to new awakenings..
VegasWillow was kind enough to break my rope cherry, She tied me up to the lovely Ana, it was amazing and beautiful, and i doooo soooo love rope. It was interesting to try and drink my cocktail tied the way I was, but it was fun too. Then I was able to experience edge play thanks to the beautiful VegasWillow. It is something that i feared but wanted to try.
I loved it.  (feeling a little breathless just writing about it)
Then Mistress Karen took me to the cross and flogged me and paddled me.
I love the way the flogger feels heavy and thuddy on my back, butt and thighs. It is a delicious feeling really. She also used a wooden paddle, which (ouch) provided a good  thwack against my ass.  I was not sure about this at first and tears stung my eyes, but I was able to breathe through it. I have always been really scared of wimping out, of not being able to "take it" I guess. But it actually just reinforced who I am . Woke me up to a whole new pleasure in pain ... Afterwards I felt... so sleepy- I wanted to go to sleep right then , it was like every pressure- every thing that has been weighing on me , all of everything was gone.. and the world was right and I could finally sleep.
Yet when I got home all I could do is lie awake and reprocess it in my head until finally sleep found me.
and here I have awoken to ... this whole new ... feeling of everything being right in the world.. well my world anyhow.